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Attempted Suicide

I've read about it, it was not altogether unexpected, I understand why the best I can, a walk in her shoes would drive me insane too, I get the psychology of it, I know the statistics, I know the stories, I've heard the voices and been drowning not waving myself, I've helped kids help each other, but there is still no preparing for a small flame getting very very dim due to snuffing itself out. I guess I was as prepared as I could be. And, like I said, I understand why and it did not catch me off guard. sigh. The what-ifs are what really get me. It is so hard to shut off that part of my brain. Could I have dealt with it if she had been successful? Would I go insane myself? How long would I leave her binder sitting at the front of my room? Would I be able to face her red-eyed friends? Thankfully I do not have to have an answer for these questions right now. With statistics the way they are, I will most likely have to answer these questions at some point in my life. But not today, and hopefully not in the near future. The question now is can I resist the urge to run in and "save" her? I just want to scoop her up and take her home with me...show her the world she does not know exists and the world that can give her the roots and love she needs. Perhaps I will take her home. Only time will tell and I will have to play the system until then.

So much to post…SHIRTS

Happy May Day!